How to break up with your partner
In 7 easy steps, your break up won’t be so messy.
Heads up before we start. This isn’t a story about how breaking up with your SO should work at all times. In fact, if you think this piece is trash, do well to disregard everything said here and move on with your fantastic life. I am not that smart sef… (at the time of writing this piece).
Shall we? You must have heard stories of people who were the perfect God when couples who dated for 7 years but sadly did not end up together. This experience can be heart-wrenching but sometimes inevitable for several reasons. If you have gone through a breakup period (except you are lucifer’s child or a marlian), it must have been tragic. Right?
A throwback to three years ago, I met an amazing girl. A second-year law student at that time. We got into an exciting two-year relationship that was all shades of good (or so we thought). We broke up about a year ago and our “friendship” from that time till I blocked her was nothing short of toxic and bitter. I said what I said. (Tolu, enough of the stories and get to the point)
I fucked up for the most part and I have admitted my wrong (Tolu, you still dey yarn dust 🤦♀️). But your breakup doesn’t have to look like mine…but because I learned from my experience, I will like to help you. Here are some lessons I learned in the process.
Don’t be a coward!
Break up with your significant partner in person, not over the phone or via email. If you asked them out in person, being all romantic and mushy with the fancy dinner and roses, you owe it to them to break the news while physically present and at their best time.
Prepare your mind for this
For me, breaking up with my ex was one of the most difficult things I have done in a while, maybe because I truly loved her at the time 😥. I went as far as watching YouTube videos (most of which didn’t help as such) after talking to my closest friends about my intentions. I even prayed to God about it (I am sure God was laughing…haq haq haq 😝), because I knew I had to do it, but I didn’t know how to do it without making her sad and eventually hate me. I cared a lot about the consequences of my actions and prepared my mind for it.
Be intentional and decisive
Your action and words should show that you are not second-guessing your decision to end the relationship. You can’t use words like “I think…”, “…maybe”, etc. Rather, use more decisive words so that she/he knows you are not even joking… Joo get my point?
Don’t bring back memories
The day of the breakup shouldn’t be the day you wear the expensive necklace he got you or choose to use the restaurant he asked you out. If you start the #PurgeDay by listening to playlists you both created or watching pictures and videos you took when things were awesome, you will just make things hard for yourself. And I get it, I’m incredibly guilty of this one. But my gee, you can’t bitch around… I swear down… you go just wound yourself.
Show some empathy
I can’t overstress this. Don’t break the heart of your partner more than necessary. Don’t be insensitive, avoid angry tone where necessary, don’t use harsh words. See the truth is that you guys must have shared several special memories during your long term relationship, most of which might not be remembered in detail but every detail of your breakup will be remembered by your partner, hence, choose your words smartly and wisely. Think through every action thoroughly, and plan for possible reactions. Plus don’t be quick to talk or act.
Remember the ancient Chinese proverb that says quick talk is trash talk
Don’t be available
By the time the deed has been done, as much as you would need to be there for your heartbroken partner, you should remember that you are not dating anymore, so quit the long talks and sleepovers. Move the fuck on!!! Tough but you gotta do that. And must I say this? If you were in a sexual relationship with your partner, you can’t go back having sex every once in a while…do not be horny monfo…speak to your libido and say “you just gotta be calm, you won’t die now, just be calm gee!!!”. Take it from me, having sex with your ex after a breakup is worse than bad. You wouldn’t help yourself in any way.
Respect the image of your partner
I would like to believe that you truly loved each other at some point in the relationship. That would mean you care about the person and in a weird way, still want the best for “your ex”. Biko in the name of God, do not go around telling tales that will ruin the reputation of your partner. You dated for 3 years, don’t ruin 50 years of his/her life… It’s bad, evil and Ashley Young. (Where A.Y is terrible).
In the end…
Breakups are sometimes inevitable, and I consider it a brave act that you realize that your relationship cannot work out anymore and that you are looking for the best way to end things with your SO. Some people don’t realize toxic and meaningless relationships and end up in worse situations. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify a problem and that you are willing to take the right steps in letting the person you love go because you knew that this could not work in the long term. So, chin up and do what is right for you. Good luck!
If this makes sense, please give this article a minimum of 30 claps so that other people can see it and enjoy it as you did. I love you.
